Since the divorce rate is at an all time high many are asking when and
if they should marry? It is interesting that at the beginning of the
20th Century men were in their late twenties before getting married.
In the early part of 1960 half of all girls in the USA were married
by their twentieth birthday. Males were about two years older.
The 90's saw many getting married while still in their teen years.
This no doubt accounts at least in-part for the high percentage of
divorces. The national statistics reveal that teenage marriages are the
most unstable with the highest chance of divorce. Many of them marry out
of emotional impulse and pre-marital pregnancies which lead to a higher
risk of divorce.
At the present time those entering into wedlock are taking longer to
decide about marriage. However, some are attempting a trial habitation
to see if it might work.
When are you ready for marriage and how do you know if proper
preparation has been taken for a successful marriage? There is no
absolutely guarantee for success...
There are at least 3 areas to consider in determining if you are properly prepared for a life long commitment.
Maturity
You should be mature enough to take on the personal responsibilities
of a family. Granted this may be some what subjective, but there are
ways to measure the maturity level. If you are not sure what those
responsibilities are, or even if you do know, it is advantageous to
speak with someone who is well capable of addressing the
responsibilities of a couple.
Studies have indicated that the best age to enter marriage is early
to mid-twenties. This is the age that most men are either out of school
or have performed their military service to their country. Likewise the
women are out of school by this age as well. At this particular time
most have had their share of dating experiences and desire to begin the
process of settling down.
At the same time, however, chronological age is not necessarily
proof that one is mature. Women seem to mature earlier than men, but
that is not always the case. There are many factors in a persons
background that either enhances their maturity or retard it. Therefore,
each person has to be considered separatley.
You should, however, evaluate not only your own life, but your
potential partner as well. Do not leave the evaluation process up to
someone else. You do the evaluating. You may want someone's advice, but
you must have your eyes "wide open".
What are you looking for in your evaluation? Start with the
reasoning behind getting married. Why do you both want to be married? It
is not enough to say that you love each other. Wouldn't you assume that
most people who are now divorced would have said they loved each other
in the beginning? Not all of course, but most "fall" in love and get
married.
Look deeper than the love aspect! Are there clues of immaturity such
as: wanting to be out of the parent's authority; desiring a sexual
relationship; escaping educational responsibilities; etc. These may be
good reasons for marriage, but more often than not, they are poor
reasons.
The emotional aspect of love is very fickle. It comes and goes, so
look for intellectual reasons for getting married. Do you both
complement one another with your strengths and weaknesses? Do you both
have the same type of objectives in life? Do you enjoy participating in
similar events?
Educational
Have you both completed your education? This is a judgment call
whether you should have it completed prior to marriage. It may be
beneficial to have it completed so you are able to focus on your studies
and extra-curricular activities.
There also may be less resentment if both partners have their
education completed. Many times the wife drops out of college to put her
husband through school, then, she never gets back to her own
educational goals. Once the dust settles (her husband is in his career,
children are all in school) regret, anger, and resentment begin to knock
on the wife's heart.
Financial
Not everyone is able to be financially independent at the time of
marriage, but financial stability is a good place to begin a marriage.
If you are deeply indebt or do not have a reliable occupation it may
behoove you to postpone the ceremony a bit longer.
Of course, marriage doesn't have to be boring! Lots of married people find interesting ways to liven up their marriages - and make money too!! Just take a look at some of these couples!
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